{"id":214,"date":"2006-10-30T08:00:19","date_gmt":"2006-10-30T13:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/archives\/214"},"modified":"2016-08-29T08:46:17","modified_gmt":"2016-08-29T13:46:17","slug":"the-horror-of-spam-a-halloween-poem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/archives\/214\/the-horror-of-spam-a-halloween-poem","title":{"rendered":"The Horror of Spam: A Halloween Poem"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Spam Raven[ Editor’s Note: Eric Lambert<\/a> recently sent me this creepy computer-related poem which he wrote a few years ago. While not exclusively “vintage” in nature, I thought you guys might enjoy it in the spirit of Halloween. ]<\/em><\/p>\n


\nThe Spam<\/strong>
\nby Eric Lambert
\nWith apologies to E.A. Poe<\/em><\/p>\n

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
\nOver many a quaint and curious inbox of forgotten mail,
\nWhile I nodded, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping,
\nAs of new mail, quietly creeping, creeping straight across my LAN.
\n” ‘Tis some friendly greeting,” I hoped, “creeping straight across my LAN;
\nOnly this, and not more spam.”<\/p>\n

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
\nWith each separate link light blinking as the somber night began
\nEagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
\nFrom my books a way to block, to block, I say, the flow of spam,
\nAnd let the rare and useful message enter through the flow of spam
\nCreeping straight across my LAN.<\/p>\n

And the strident blinking beeping of this email message creeping
\nThrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt by man;
\nSo that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
\n” ”Tis some valid email creeping, seeking solace on my LAN,
\nSome late message creeping, seeking solace softly on my LAN.
\nThis it is, and not more spam.”<\/p>\n

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
\n“So,” said I, “let’s just see what missive comes across my LAN”;
\nBut the fact is, I was sleeping, and so softly it came creeping
\nInto my inbox, that I didn’t notice how the words of subject ran,
\nI did not see, I tell you true, that the subject words were not of man;
\nRandom words, they were — of spam.<\/p>\n

Long into the message peering, long I sat there, wondering, fearing
\nDoubting, dreaming dreams that never should be dreamt by man:
\n“Grow it longer! Grow it straighter! Don’t be afraid! Don’t be a hater!”;
\nAnd the only words there spoken were the tortured ‘Not more spam!’
\nThis I whispered, and in echo murmured back ‘Yes, it’s spam,
\nCreeping straight across my LAN.’<\/p>\n

Back into the aether turning, all my soul within me burning,
\nSoon again I mailed the spammer, saying ‘Send me no more spam.’
\n“Surely,” said I, “surely, this will keep my email inbox clear.
\nLet me see, then, what this mail is, creeping now onto my LAN.
\nLet my heart be still and see, just what’s this new mail on my LAN?
\nWhat the freak!? It’s just more spam.”<\/p>\n

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an old condenser
\nRun by demons whose packets thudded on the network floor.
\n“Filth,” I cried, “may God have mercy on your soul for this!”
\n“But I will not!” I yelled. “And I will curse the name of all who spam!
\nAnd I will not rest until my inbox has been cleared of all this spam!”
\nI swore as I watched my LAN.<\/p>\n

And the spam-mail, never ceasing, still is creeping, slowly creeping
\nTo my email box, on my server, on my LAN;
\nAnd their words have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming.
\nAnd the link lights slowly blinking shine their light upon my floor;
\nAnd my inbox from out that shadow that comes creeping on my network
\nShall be lifted—nevermore!
\n<\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[ Editor’s Note: Eric Lambert recently sent me this creepy computer-related poem which he wrote a few years ago. While not exclusively “vintage” in nature, I thought you guys might enjoy it in the spirit of Halloween. ] The Spam by Eric Lambert With apologies to E.A. Poe Once upon a midnight dreary, while I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,24],"tags":[624,255,623,481],"class_list":["post-214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computer-info-and-history","category-humor","tag-eric-lambert","tag-halloween","tag-poem","tag-spam"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/214","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=214"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/214\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vintagecomputing.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}