In Turing Test, VC&G writer Ulaf Silchov Fails to Convince Judges He is Human

June 9th, 2014 by Benj Edwards

Ulaf SilchovUlaf Silchov, our resident Ukranian computer and video game expert, recently decided to volunteer as the human control in a recent Turing test conducted at the University of Reading in the UK.

The only problem? Everyone thought he was a computer.

Here is an excerpt of one of his conversations with a judge:

Judge: Hi, I’m Cathy.

Entity: CATHY! THE NAME OF A WOMANS.

Judge: Yes, I’m a woman.

Entity: WHAT IS A WOMANS, REALLY? BUT A MANS WITH THE UNSTOPPABLE THIRST FOR KRELBS.

Judge: Right. What is your name?

Entity: WHAT IS YOUR NAMES?

Judge: I’m Cathy, remember?

Entity: THAT IS NOT A REAL NAMES.

Judge: Yes, it is. At least where I come from. What is your name?

Entity: ULAF HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE NAMES ULAF IN UKRAINE, BUT FRIENDS CALL ULAF “ULAF” FOR SHORTS IN SVADLOST.

Judge: Nice name. Are you from either area?

Entity: THE AREA OF A TRIANGLES BECOMES THE HYPOTENUSE…ULAF FORGET.

Judge: Uh huh. How could you forget something so important?

Entity: NO, ULAF NOT IMPORTENT. ULAF HAVE AT LEAST 3.5 CHILDRENS (ONE HALF SIZED).

Judge: That’s a very personal issue. What’s your specialty?

Entity: ULAF FORGET TO ASK WHERE EITHER OF YOUR MINDS ARE FROM.

Judge: The universe and you?

Entity: ULAF, ALSO, BECOMES FROM THE STUFF OF STARS, AS THE MIND OF CARLOS SAGAN ONCE TOLD.

Judge: Do you have any hobbies?

Entity: NO TIMES TO TALK NOW, RUSSIANS KARUMPING ON THE DOOR OF ULAF. REMEMBER, THIS IS ULAF SAYING, “BE THE MASTER.” *END TRANSMISSION*

Judge: I’m still here.



3 Responses to “In Turing Test, VC&G writer Ulaf Silchov Fails to Convince Judges He is Human”

  1. t3hfr3ak Says:

    Benj, I’m dying here!

  2. Geoff V. Says:

    Can’t believe it’s been more than a year since we last heard from Ulaf.

  3. Benj Edwards Says:

    I have heard rumors that Ulaf is warming up for another round of greatness.

    They’re probably just rumors, though.

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