Retro Scan of the Week: Pizza Kid Caption Contest

February 5th, 2007 by Benj Edwards
VCG 3rd Caption Contest Image

It’s that time again folks — time for another Retro Scan of the Week caption contest! This will be our third contest. Our last was in October of 2006 and our first was a few months before in August. Here’s how it works:

Anyone out there may enter the contest (multiple times is fine by me) by writing a comment on this post. Simply write the best (i.e. funniest) caption you can think of for the image above. The winning caption will be selected by me and glorified before the whole world as the best caption ever. But of course, it’s not really about winning; it’s about the self-satisfaction you’ll gain by entertaining your peers and the joy of participating in a community event.

So join in the fun. Let’s see what you guys can come up with for this one. Study the image carefully and use every detail to your advantage.

If you use this image on your site, please support “Retro Scan of the Week” by giving us obvious credit for the original scan and entry. Thanks.

34 Responses to “Retro Scan of the Week: Pizza Kid Caption Contest”

  1. mgroves Says:

    Yeah! ValuCalc! Alright!

  2. Benj Edwards Says:

    Nothing goes together quite like pizza and milk.

  3. kyle Says:

    The discovery of internet porn.

  4. Glenn Broadway Says:

    Wyatt had finished coding, at last. Now he would phone Gary and tell him to come over as soon as he could (reminding him to bring braziers) . Let’s hope Chet doesn’t get back before we can run this baby, he thought, salivating at the thought of the beautiful creature they might bring to life.


  5. jps Says:

    When learning about sex, Timmy was glad for many things: there was the fact that nobody else was on his older brother’s BBS in Toronto that day, and also that his parents had bought him this “totally rad” PC for school. But most of all, he was elated third that he was only farsighted and that dad had left his beer mugs around for so he could pretend he was “drinking it up” with his buds at the strip bar.

    Way to go Timmy. You’ll be 40 and alone in no time.

    (ok this is waayyy too long for a caption)

  6. deeskrad Says:

    There is only one thing better than pizza and milk — Word Processing, Yay!

  7. Dyl Says:

    ASCII porn is so hot!!

  8. KitsuneDarkStalker Says:


  9. Keith Gable Says:

    My submission:

    Wanna fight?

  10. DragonWithDemeanor Says:

    I’m digging on Keith Gable track:

    “Boxing positions and idiot smiles for dummies”

  11. Mark Says:

    well fed, and high on spoiled milk, timmy readied himself for a night of doubble fisted fun! “this is gonna be great”! he thought to himself as he placed his copy of “masturbating to internet porn even though it has not been invented by Al Gore yet!” for dummies handbook atop his 16 color 8″ monitor.
    the mighty roar of the 28k modem filled the kitchen of his doubble wide trailer as he readied himself!
    with one hand on the keyboard, the other on his joystick, timmy began his journey into what would become his lifestyle for the next 45 years…….

    working for Microsoft!

  12. Benj Edwards Says:

    Ok…extra points to anybody who doesn’t mention sex, porn, or masturbation in their caption.

  13. Dan Says:


  14. c0ldavatar Says:

    I had all these ideas running through my head but I couldn’t think of just one funny one so here are my entries:

    Who would’ve thought that computers had ANYTHING to do with math!

    Finally! A program that will DO my homework for me… I could’ve done my homework by now….

    (From Hackers [1995]) “I’m taking over a TV station!”

    I FOUND IT!!! After having it for 2 years I finally turned it on!!!

    I can’t see properly without my glasses, but that looks like the bully from school! STICK ‘EM UP!

    Let’s see Gates steal this!

    (Weird Al) HA! I am so white and nerdy!

  15. doug Says:

    I got the 1200 baud my porn downloads! Yeah!

  16. Dyl Says:

    Check out the sweet animation on this flashing cursor! Dos Rocks!

  17. Mark Says:

    Timmy raised his fists in anger, AAARRRGGGHHH!!! he roared as the screen went blank ” i was so close to finding the Wumpas”
    curse you trs 80 and you insashable appitite for propane!!

  18. Madame Lucifer Says:

    “That’s so cool !”, Bobby said, “by dropping the glasses I can actually see curves on my 80 chars wide screen !”

  19. Russ Says:

    Take THAT, Wumpus!!!

  20. Zeid Nasser Says:


    A game on my useless but serious looking home PC that I can show to my doorstop48 and breadbox64 owning freinds!

  21. KitsuneDarkStalker Says:

    This is the only known ad for the TRS-80’s prototype “Virtual Maracas” controller.

  22. AMDtech Says:

    Check it out a state of the art word processing machine yeah!

  23. KVet Says:

    ‘Joshua’ worked! Sweet, now onto Global Thermonuclear War!

  24. Seb Says:

    At last! After 3 hours of reading the manual and not making any sense of it, Timmy figures out how to make the text in his Wordstar 1.0 document go bold!

  25. Simon Templar Says:

    “Rad rad rad! This is my best program yet!”
    10 Print “Timmy is Great! ”
    20 Goto 10

  26. Dyl Says:

    …and I will call the BBS Vintage Computing and Gaming. It’s a million dollar idea!

  27. Benj Edwards Says:

    And the winner is…

    Seb! With the entry, “At last! After 3 hours of reading the manual and not making any sense of it, Timmy figures out how to make the text in his Wordstar 1.0 document go bold!”

    Way to capture the pain of ancient word processing, my friend. You’ve won the big prize — a year’s supply of admiration from VC&G readers!

    And now, on to the runners-up…

    KVet with “‘Joshua’ worked! Sweet, now onto Global Thermonuclear War!”

    Madame Lucifer with “‘That’s so cool!’, Bobby said, ‘by dropping the glasses, I can actually see curves on my 80 chars wide screen!'”

    I also liked Simon Templar and Kitsune’s entries alot.

    Great work guys! Thank you, everyone, for playing.

  28. bblhed Says:

    Wow! I can’t wait to get a job working on a computer!

  29. bblhed Says:

    Lets see if he’s this excited about computers when he’s 40.

  30. Greg Says:

    Computer Geeks New Year’s Eve Party a Success!

    With keyboard clicking, computer geeks from around the country celebrated bringing in the 80s. No more awkward situations for these geeks, now they can communicate computer-computer rather than face to face.

    While others were dancing, Erwin and his friends celebrated in style behind the comfort of their computers.

    Here we see Erwin with his fashionable Izod and ever handy Sons and Lovers book on top of his computer. Hot pizza and cold milk, in beer mugs no less, lends atmosphere as Erwin writes down BBN boards, handles, and keeps them all secure in his Peechee folder.

    80s here we come and Geeks every where celebrate or is that celebate?

    TRS 80s & IZODs, just Peeche
    (nice crumpled tissue paper on the table….I guess he took the glasses off when they fogged up)

  31. PizzaPasta Says:

    Several entries:

    “Mom! Hurry in here! I’ve just acheived the first live webcast of Nickolodeon’s ‘Double Dare’ on my computer!”

    “1984: Early photos of Nintendo’s founder Fusajiro Yamauchi developing Wii boxing on his Commodore 64”

    “Dad! Get in here! I just hit the button that said “ON” and now the screen on this big box is glowing! Hip, Hip…Hooray!”

    “Little did Johnny know that yelling at the screen on his Commodore 64 would not transcribe his words. Several weeks later, he discovered ‘the keyboard’ ”


  32. Matt Webster Says:

    Little Jonny didn’t notice the flying fist to his right

  33. benjamin Says:

    Computers: Fuck Yes!

  34. PizzaPasta Says:

    “teenage mutant computer geeks….
    teenage mutant computer geeks….
    teenage mutant computer geeks…
    Heros of Floppy Disk…Fortran Power!”

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