Some video game fans have a tough time figuring out what costume to wear on All Hallows' Eve. Every year around this time, I help them out and provide a few detailed suggestions geared towards the gaming enthusiast. These costumes are guaranteed to attract attention and garner popularity at the office Halloween party, on the street begging for candy, or anywhere in between.
Cliff Bleszinski Costume Recipe:
- Earrings (2)
- Spiked hair
- Crazy outfit (your choice)
- Badass demeanor
- Lancer Assault Rifle
In-Character Behavior: Strut around and strike aggressive, wild-eyed poses (tongue preferably extended) while clutching your massive chainsaw gun. When confronted by those who challenge your awesomeness, unexpectedly break into a sensitive, emotional postmortem analysis of the Jazz Jackrabbit development process. Repeat; collect ladies.
China Warrior Costume Recipe:
- Bruce Lee pants
- Bruce Lee complexion
- Bruce Lee build
- Bruce Lee
- In-born hatred of bowing monks
In-Character Behavior: Kick people dressed in robes. Punch any flying rocks/butterflies you see along the way. Only move forward.
BASIC Programmer Costume Recipe:
- Space suit
- BASIC Programming keypad
- Tiny assistant with calculator
In-Character Behavior: With the twin suns of Tatooine setting in the distance, proceed to program your Mark IV Super Master Control computer via your telepathic remote (the keypad). When your tiny assistant starts hum-singing country western tunes through his mustache, tell him to "GOTO 10."
Johnny Turbo Costume Recipe:
- Green jumpsuit
- Swimming goggles
- Red baseball cap, boots, gloves
- Glue-on beard
- Modular yellow TurboHarness of unknown capability
- Beer belly
In-Character Behavior: Jump out of the bushes and scream "KIDS!!! LISTEN!!!" at passing trick-or-treaters while pointing a pistol at their heads. Try not to get arrested.
Castle of the Winds Guy
Castle of the Winds Guy Costume Recipe:
- Short sword
- Blue speedos
- Map of Bjarnarhaven
In-Character Behavior: Hobble around on your leg stumps, bare-chested, while flailing your sword at nearby wildlife. Deny all offers for assistance; instead, seek the Enchanted Amulet of Kings.
Gauntlet II Team
Gautnlet II Team Costume Recipe:
- Four people:
- Mean elf
- Mean valkyrie
- Mean warrior
- Slightly mean wizard
- Double axe
- Corn starch
- Optional: Florence flask of hydrogen sulfide (5), keys
In-Character Behavior:Crash a Halloween party by busting through the door and aggressively bumping into other guests. If it's too crowded, smash your flasks on the ground. When one of you inevitably accidentally demolishes the snack bar, fiercely deny responsibility and shift blame to your other teammates.
The Chessmaster Costume Recipe:
- Glass chess set (lit from below)
- Long white beard, wig
- Bushy eyebrows
- Black velvet robe (to hide body)
In Character-Behavior: Assume the wizened pose on the Chessmaster box; don't move for 22 years. Somehow, beat people at chess. If all else fails, just stare people down until they give you candy.
Wii Grandpa Costume Recipe:
- Wii remote
- Polo shirt, khaki pants
- "Do not resuscitate" sign
Wii Grandma Costume Recipe:
- Wii remote
- Green V-neck sweater, jeans
- Short lesbian-I'mnotalesbian haircut
In-Character Behavior: As Wii Grandpa, clutch the Wii remote to your heart and forcefully whisper about your pacemaker through clenched teeth; keel over. Meanwhile (Wii Grandma), act oblivious while asking how school is going.
Wumpus Hunter Costume Recipe:
- Feather helmet with glowing orb
- Blue body suit with gilded epaulets
- Scale mail scarf
- Butt cape
- Ineffectual, useless dagger
- One Nerf arrow
- Optional: Friend dressed as Wumpus
In-Character Behavior: Wearing a blindfold, navigate the party room by smelling farts and listening for Wumpus noises. Avoid slime pits (bathrooms), lest ye fall into the toilet. When confident of the Wumpus' location, fire your arrow in that direction. If you fail, go home in shame without candy.
Computer Space Robot Bimbo
Computer Space Robot Bimbo Costume Recipe:
- Blonde wig
- Diaphanous white nightgown
- Miscellaneous gold jewelry
- Computer Space cabinet
In-Character Behavior: Sigh and moan "Oh, Nolan…" as people walk by. While looking dazed, show off your gigantic yellow coin-operated space dildo to anyone who's interested.
Mr. Cool Costume Recipe:
- Refrigerator box
- 145 bottles of Elmer's Glue
- Whale eyeballs, tongue
In-Character Behavior: While looking googly-eyed, slobber all over the place. Try to hop. If possible, crush a monster. If not, try anyway. It's going to be a long night.
Happy Halloween, everybody.