Archive for the 'Ulaf Silchov' Category

In Turing Test, VC&G writer Ulaf Silchov Fails to Convince Judges He is Human

Monday, June 9th, 2014

Ulaf SilchovUlaf Silchov, our resident Ukranian computer and video game expert, recently decided to volunteer as the human control in a recent Turing test conducted at the University of Reading in the UK.

The only problem? Everyone thought he was a computer.

Here is an excerpt of one of his conversations with a judge:

Judge: Hi, I'm Cathy.

Entity: CATHY! THE NAME OF A WOMANS.

Judge: Yes, I'm a woman.

Entity: WHAT IS A WOMANS, REALLY? BUT A MANS WITH THE UNSTOPPABLE THIRST FOR KRELBS.

Judge: Right. What is your name?

Entity: WHAT IS YOUR NAMES?

Judge: I'm Cathy, remember?

Entity: THAT IS NOT A REAL NAMES.

Judge: Yes, it is. At least where I come from. What is your name?

Entity: ULAF HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE NAMES ULAF IN UKRAINE, BUT FRIENDS CALL ULAF "ULAF" FOR SHORTS IN SVADLOST.

Judge: Nice name. Are you from either area?

Entity: THE AREA OF A TRIANGLES BECOMES THE HYPOTENUSE…ULAF FORGET.

Judge: Uh huh. How could you forget something so important?

Entity: NO, ULAF NOT IMPORTENT. ULAF HAVE AT LEAST 3.5 CHILDRENS (ONE HALF SIZED).

Judge: That's a very personal issue. What's your specialty?

Entity: ULAF FORGET TO ASK WHERE EITHER OF YOUR MINDS ARE FROM.

Judge: The universe and you?

Entity: ULAF, ALSO, BECOMES FROM THE STUFF OF STARS, AS THE MIND OF CARLOS SAGAN ONCE TOLD.

Judge: Do you have any hobbies?

Entity: NO TIMES TO TALK NOW, RUSSIANS KARUMPING ON THE DOOR OF ULAF. REMEMBER, THIS IS ULAF SAYING, "BE THE MASTER." *END TRANSMISSION*

Judge: I'm still here.

GAME BOY CAMERAS SPAM TRY-POD MOUNTER DEVICES

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013

GAMEBOY CAMERA SPAM TRY-POD MOUNTER DEVICES (Game Boy Camera Tripod)

UPON ONE OF THOSE TIMES, ULAF CREATE TRY-POD MOUNT FOR THE GAME BOY COLORFUL UNIT, THE CAMERAS, WHICH THE MINDS OF NINTENDOGS CREATES SOMETIMES NEAR 1998 (WHAT A MINDS). WITH GREATEST OF THE SKILL, ULAF CARVE FOAM BETWEEN CANS OF THE SPAM (THE FAVORITE AMERICAN FOODS) HOLLOW, INTO HOLE FOR THE HOLDING OF THE GAME BOY CONSUL OF MY MIND.

WORKED WONDER FOR THE PHOTOGRAPHAGRAPHERS OF MY MIND:

GAMEBOY CAMERAS PHOTOGRAPHAGRAPHERS

ULAF PRINT ALL THOSE PHOTOGRAPHAGRAPHERS AND HUNG THEM UPON THE REFRIDGERATE OF ULAF.

BY THE WAYS, DID NOT THE GAME BOY GROWS INTO THE GAME MEN? WHERE DID THAT LITTLE BOY OF GAMING TIME GO? MATURATION AND PUBESCENCE, THAT IS WHERE. AND ABOVE ALL OF THE NOISES IT BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS AND ATE MY MIND. AHHHHHH.

PERHAP ULAF EATS THE WRONG MUSHROOM.

JUST A QUICK NOTE FROM MY MIND. GO BACK TO LIFE NOW. UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS IS ULAF SAYING BE THE MASTER.

Ulaf Silchov is an expert in video games and computers. He also writes for "Svadlost Weekly" and "The Overachieving Underling Circular."

[ Snapshots ] Fixing an Apple IIc

Friday, August 24th, 2012

Behind the Scenes of SNES Plastic Discoloration ArticleExpert Apple IIc repair by Ulaf Silchov (November 2007)

ULAF CAPTURE THE SPEED WITH SPEEDBOARDS

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

NES SPEEDBOARD IS THE SPEED

SOME PEOPLES ASK ULAF THIS: HOW IS IT THAT MY MIND CAN CAPTURE THE SPEED? TO WHICH ULAF RESPAWN A SIMPLE WORDS: WITH THE SPEEDBOARDS OF COURSE. IT IS TRUE THAT THE SPEED OR THE BOARDS HAVE BEEN HARDEST TO TAME OF ALL ELEMENTS, SO THE MAGIC OF THESE DEVICE CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD.

SO THEN ALWAYS RECALL THIS DAY THAT HERE YOUR MIND SEES THIS SPEEDBOARDS PHOTOGRAPHY, ONE PICTURES OF THAT ULTIMATE MASTER DEVICES FOR THE NINTENDO ENTRAPMENT SYSTEM (NES FOR ABBREVIATED). ULAF USE IT AND USE IT, THEN OBTAIN HIGHEST SCORE EVER DURING MEGA MEN II WITH FINGERTIPS. NO SMALL FEET.

JUST A QUICK NOTE FROM MY MIND. GO BACK TO LIFE NOW. UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS IS ULAF SAYING BE THE MASTER.

Ulaf Silchov is an expert in video games and computers. He also writes for "Svadlost Weekly" and "The Almost Perfect Circle Newsletter."

ULAF'S GARDENING TIPS

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

[Editor's Note: This was part of an April Fools gag. Ulaf is still not amused.]

ULAF WHILE GARDENSINGHELLO AGAIN VINTAGE SUPERFANS. RECENTLY, THE BENJ DECIDES TO HAND ULAF THE RAINS OF THESE BLOG POST. SO ULAF CONVERT SITE TO THE FAVORITES OF ALL THE WORLD'S KRELZ, GARDENSING. AND HENCE: VINTAGE COMPUTING AND GARDENSING.

TO STARTS US OFF, MY MIND WILL SHARE WITH YOU EASY THREE TIPS TO THE BETTER GARDENSING.

NUMBERS 1:
DO NOT EAT THE VEGTABLES BEFORE THE GROWING.

NUMBERS 2:
THE DIRT IS NOT FOR THE EATING, BUT FOR THE GROWING.

NUMBERS 3:
THE WORMS ARE FOR THE GROWING, AND THE EATING IF YOUR MIND LACK EXCELLENT NUTRIMENT.

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW. STAY TUNES FOR MORE GARDENSING TIPS AND TRICKSTERS FROM THE WHIRL OF ULAF.

FOR COMPUING AND GAMINGS TIPS, CONSULT HOW TO BEAT THE VIDEO GAMES, THE ULAF CLASSIC. SOON ULAF WRITES "HOW TO BEAT THE VEGETABLES" FOR YOUR MIND TO CONSUME. UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS IS ULAF SAYING BE THE MASTER.

ULAF FANS UNITE! READS ULAF ON THE TWEETER: @ulafsilchov

[ Continue reading ULAF'S GARDENING TIPS » ]

VC&G's Halloween Video Game Costume Ideas (2008)

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

VC&G's Video Game Costume Ideas 2008Yep, it's that time of year again: time for VC&G's famous Video Game Halloween Costume Ideas — 2008 edition.

Some video game fans have a tough time figuring out what costume to wear on All Hallows' Eve. Every year around this time, I help them out and provide a few detailed suggestions geared towards the gaming enthusiast. These costumes are guaranteed to attract attention and garner popularity at the office Halloween party, on the street begging for candy, or anywhere in between.

[ Continue reading VC&G's Halloween Video Game Costume Ideas (2008) » ]

[ Retro Scan of the Week 2nd Anniversary ] Father/Son Caption Contest

Monday, January 28th, 2008

VCG RSOTW Second Anniversary Caption Contest Image

In January 2006, VC&G unleashed the first-ever Retro Scan of the Week upon the world. Two years and 104 scans later, the RSOTW feature is still the only reason anybody reads this blog. In celebration of its second birthday, I figured we'd hold a contest to determine the world's biggest RSOTW fan — VC&G's 6th caption contest!

Your task? Simply write the funniest caption you can think of for the image above. Anyone out there may enter the contest as many times as they want by writing a comment on this post (the more, the better). I will select the winning caption a week from today and post the result. One lucky winner will receive a nude photo of Ulaf Silchov*, a year's supply of tiny, invisible beans, and bragging rights at the next VC&G house party.

Let the games begin!

If you use this image on your site, please support "Retro Scan of the Week" by giving us obvious credit for the original scan and entry. Thanks.

* Just kidding. But the beans are absolutely real.

ULAF SCAN OF THIS WEEKS: THE SID MEIERS

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007

THE SID MEIERS

WELCOME AGAIN VINTAGE PEOPLES. ULAF FINDS THIS PAPER CONTAINER TODAY BETWEEN CRACKS HIDING IN BACK OF GARAGE. IT BECOMES A BEAUTIFUL PICTURES OF BRAVE THE SID MEIERS, THAT ONLY MOST FAMOUS GAME CONSTRUCTOR OF THE GLOBE.

SOMETIME MY PEOPLES SAY TO ULAF, "ULAF, ARE YOU THE HOBOSEXUAL?" TO WHICH ULAF RESPAWN, "ONLY IF YOUR MIND PAY ULAF 2300 KRELBS." BUT REALLY, WHAT ONE PERSONS COULD BECAME THE HOBOSEXUAL WHEN MANY IS? AND MANY IS FEEL TINGLE FOR THE SID MEIERS, EVEN THE UNBENT MANS OF WIFE. IT STANDS THE COMPASSION OF PLATO, NOTHING ABOVE.

EITHER WAYS, THIS ULAF DEFINITIVELY GOES AS THE SID MEIERS NEXT HALLOWEENS. HERE BECOMES A PREVIEW.

WHAT IS THIS?

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

DEVICE ONE

ULAF FIND THIS IN THE GARAGE OF BENJ TODAY. IN FACT MY MIND ALMOST DIED ON IT BECAUSE THE DEVICE MAKES A HEAVY GOOD TRIPPER. DOES ANY OF MY PERSONS UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THIS? TELL ULAF DURING THE COMMENTARY UNDER THIS MESSAGE.

Guest Editor Introduction: ULAF EDIT THE GHOST THIS WEEKS

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Ulaf Silchov[ Since Kotaku is being guest-edited by Simon Carless, and GameSetWatch is being guest-edited by Karsden M√∂rderh√§schen this week, I figured I'd join in the trend by taking a break for Thanksgiving and leaving good 'ole Ulaf Silchov in charge of VC&G for a while. I'll still be around popping in to check on him, but for now he holds the reins. –Benj ]

ULAF DISCOVERED HIS MIND IN A STRANGER FUNNY POSITIONS THIS MORNING (NO, NOT LIKE THE YOGA). SINCE THE THINKSGIVING DID NOT CELEBRATED IN THE NATIVE COUNTRY OF MY MIND, THE BENJ TELLS ME TO ROLL IN THIS WEEKS WHILE HIS MIND CONSUMED THE TURNKEYS WITH PLEASURE. ULAF CALL IT CLASH OF BARBARIANS, BUT AMERICAS STILL CALLS IT THE THINKSGIVING KNOWLEDGE HOLIDAYS.

THE STORY BEGUN THIS: HIS MIND CALL MY MIND THIS MORNINGS TO TELL ULAF TO EMBODY SPOOKY GHOST EDITOR OF VINTAGE COMPUTERS WHILE HIS MIND RELAX IN FROSTY ELK BACKYARD. ULAF TELL HIM, "ULAF DID NOT USUALLY EDIT GHOST BECAUSE THE GHOST TASTE INEDIBLE." BUT THE BENJ TELL ULAF, Turkey"NO BOTHER. HERE ULAF, WE GIVE YOUR MIND THE KEYS TO THE GARAGE OF MY MIND. DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH PICTURES"

NOW HERE ULAF SIT IN THE GARAGE OF HIS MIND, COLDER THAN GORST CHRISTMAS, BUT SURRENDERED BY THE BEAUTIFUL COMPUTER (AND THE OTHER JUNKS). SO FAR CATS DEFECATED ON ULAF'S LAP TWICE. MORE SAD FOR ULAF, MOST OF THE VIDEO GAMES STAY LOCKED INSIDE THE HOUSE OF THE BENJ. BUT ULAF STILL IN THE GOOD SPIRIT OF VINTAGE TECHNOLOGIES.

PLEASE PATIENCE MY MIND THIS WEEKS, AS ULAF EDUCATE TO WRITE MORE OF THE ENGLISH LUNG WITHOUT TRANSFORMERS AND ENVISION MORE OF THE COMPUTERS IN THE GARAGE OF THE BENJ FOR MY PERSONS TO ENJOY. ALSO ULAF MIGHT TELLS THE FEW SPOOKY GHOST ESSAYS IF YOUR MIND FEELS LUCKY.

THANK YOU FOR READING MY PERSONS. THIS IS ALL FOR NOW. UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS IS ULAF SAYING BE THE MASTER.